Sunday, December 05, 2004

Dick vs. Dee Cee Turkey

The Dick Times: News that Bites!
Dateline earth, 2004, barely

Our Story thus far:
White House T.G. turkey gets reprieve
as Bush receives new lease!
Dems ask U.S. to choose another Bubba Lite,
Reds put up a half wit in the fight
and win
then say we’re all concerned with sin,
and that’s why Kerry lost the race!
Hero not a military man like Dub, say Reds,
as Powell, the only one they have to fill that role,
gets axed!

And on the color issue, Ridge,
the wiz of green to red,
is waxed as well,
and Ashcroft, too, a sorry memory!
That anti-dancing jerk
now seeks new work!
The papacy’s not in the cards for him
should Rome soon post a vacancy:
John’s church drinks grape juice at communion!

Heads fall like Paris in The Terror
as Bush seeks only bearers of Good News!
Cabinet shuffle muffles all dissent
and those who get ideas from now on
keep them hidden:
advice unbidden gets the donor whacked,
so don’t be looking for a crack new team!

A cheering squad just like his Eli days,
all ditto heads which bob in unison
as He commands!

His foreign policy now focused north,
he tries to make amends to Canada
but balks at crossing border
of good sense!

Too dense, he goes on making past mistakes
and won’t apply the air brakes in Iraq!
Red Horde puts insurgents to the sword,
convinced their Lord is pleased by body count!

Dick sez: is that part in
the sermon of the mount?

And! The Diquiz!
Which of these U.S. presidents felt compelled
to make a public pronouncement condemning
“Modern Art” as a tool of communism?
A. Dwight Eisenhower
B. John Kennedy
C. Ronald Reagan
D. Richard Nixon
E. Harry Truman
F. George H. W. Bush
G. George W. Bush
Think of something that rhymes
with the “F word” ( no, not Falujah )

for those geographically challenged
recipients who are unable to gaze into
the window of Dick’s Famous Books
( not it’s real name )
and view the midwest’s finest Christmas display,
here is a letter which rests beneath
a green plastic tree (made in China):

Too Santy at the Norf Poll
Dere Santy,
Pleese make peepul stop calling me
a lying moron.
Thank you,
and p.s. pleese for Crismiss get me
a reel brane.

Don’t you wish that you were in this large
midwestern city, standing on the sidewalk
in rain or snow or whatever happened to be
going on that minute, so you could read
this letter aloud to your bored date
just like many of the drunks from the Italian
restaurant next door do?

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