Friday, November 19, 2004

The Dick Times Junk Drawer

The Dick Times: News that Bites!
Dateline Chicago 9 November

Many readers are like, yo, Dick, given your near pathological obsession with the late campaign, surely you must have lying around the hard drive just reams of unused material which you perhaps with undo modesty deemed too repetitious, too lame, or too, dare we say it, over the top to have sent to us, your breathlessly awaiting recipients.
Dick pleads guilty to this insinuation and herewith submits, only for ecologically sound, pro- recycling purposes, a small crumb from The Dick Times Junk Drawer.
Hicks lick city fellers
as urbanists lick battle scars!
Election mars U.S. image abroad
and Bush continues use of rod
in teaching values!

“Jesus hates a smarty pants!” says Dub,
and hopes to help the Democrats recant their sins.

Hillary begins by backing off long held beliefs
and easing into moderation
as southern boys are chanting “Don’t forget your station-
at the stove!”

While Karl Rove rubs pudgy hands together
his glands secrete testosterone-
he hones the headsman’s blade
and dreams of dynasties!

Adolph Hitler, a youthful failure, came to power on the strength
of telling feel-good lies to a country divided by racial hatreds,
fears of socialist ideas, a failing economy, and a resistance to
new ideas which were in superficial conflict with traditional values.
He surrounded himself with yes-men, manipulated the press,
and discouraged dissent by appealing to patriotism.
He received support from wealthy industrialists and much of the
religious establishment, especially the Catholic hierarchy in Rome,
which saw him as an ally in checking the general drift away from
Christian hegemony in a world of strengthening secular values
reinforced by advances in literacy and education in general.

( Try singing this to the tune of Onward Christian Soldiers )

The verse:
Adolph Hitler came to town
riding in a Cad-dy
and he got another crown
passed on from his dad-dy

The chorus:
Adolph Hitler, keep it up
stroking those believers
all your loyal hangers on-
cowardly deceivers!

Adolph Hitler had a ranch
where they hated fag-heads
He opened up an eastern branch
and started bombing rag-heads

Adolph Hitler, Double U
each of them elected
both of them took trouble to
get the world infected

Adolph Hitler made a mess
with murderous behavior
His big admirers in the press
saw him as a savior

Adolph Hitler / Georgie Bush
two sides of a ni-ckel
not a dime of dif-fer-ence
cucumber to a pi-ckle

Adolph Hitler loved his dog
and never killed a kit-ten
open up the Dick Times blog
to see what else is writ-ten

Dick sez: And here you are!

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