Thursday, March 19, 2009

SCHOOL OF HARD KNOX!


The Dick Times: News that Bites!
Dateline Chicago 19 March Year of Viagra

SCHOOL OF HARD KNOX
Bone Us package
stiffs U.S.
and sticks us with gigantic bill!

What swill contaminates the banking pool
and what the hell’s an A.I.G.
asks Dick.

What lowdown thieves
these number crunchers are
and after thirty years
the lower bar of Reagan days
has left us in a Purple Haze
of anger!

And! The BeneDicktion!
Oh Prince of Piece of Pie-
Where’s mine?

2 comments:

Dano said...

Drinks That Reflect Personality

Before you order a drink in public, you should read this! Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could 'nail' a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:


PART A: WOMEN-DRINKS, WHO THEY ARE, & YOU!

Drink: Beer
Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink......

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with my friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is..this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

PART B: MAN-DRINKS & WHO THE MEN ARE!

THEN, there is the MALE addendum -- The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid...

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid.


Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.


White Zinfandel: He's gay

Jim Mall said...

The staff and management of The Dick Times:News that Bites! will accept almost any comment that readers see fit to offer, including those which imply that gay men don't want to get laid. What is Dano thinking?