"Oh bother!" said Pooh

Fight back! Reply to those annoying emails and intrusive messages using ammunition from this colorful arsenal. Crush bots and anonymous pests with my patented formula, borrowed free of charge from COSTCO. Fill their inboxes with this processed junk, a probable carcinogen. Help rid the internet of sociopathic money grubbers while freeing up storage space on your electronic devices, making room for more of that insipid crap that you stream through your earbuds. This product is offered at no cost to you. Operators are standing by to take your credit card number for use only as means of of determining whether you yourself are a real person and not just some fake troll dangled by a foreign adversary to distract America from the sacred mission of buying overpriced drugs and ill fitting clothes from Amazon.

1Jim Mall

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Irma la Dur

I just spoke with my brother. He lives in Vero Beach, about due east Orlando and directly in Irma's path.  This will be his fifth hurricane,  and he shows no concern. "Just another thunderstorm," he says. The ocean is seven miles to his east, so storm surges are not a threat. Mar a Lago, to the south , lies a few feet from the ocean's edge at an elevation of about eight feet, roughly twelve feet beneath the probable surge. Most of Palm Beach will be submerged as the ocean races west towards the inland waterway. Mink coats won't float, and Bentleys will lose their resale value, unlike my brother's gassed-up Dodge truck. He, his wife and their  menagerie will stay inside and wait it out and look for air lifted mink coats in the yard when the sun comes out. I'll miss those land line calls, though. Cell phones suck in the best of times.
     And remember that a truckload of dry clothes beats a stadium of tearful prayers.

TREACHERY

Dear Mr. Trump, although your ignorance is unforgivable, it is not uncorrectable. You and your racist friends must acknowledge the histories of those confederate heroes you now defend. Each one is represented by a statue or monument somewhere in the south, and they each swore an oath to protect and defend the United States upon receiving commissions when graduating from the U. S. Military Academy at West Point. Their defection to the southern rebellion qualifies them as traitors, pure and simple. Here's a short list: Robert E. Lee, Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson and Jefferson Davis. Scores more, some of them infamous, like Longstreet and Pickett ,served in various grades of rank.        
         Although many fought with northern classmates in the Mexican war, they shamelessly volunteered to divide their country. Lee struggled with the dilemma, but fell to pressure from his friends and family, becoming the greatest general of the war on either side. Without his leadership, the south would have fallen much sooner and thousands of lives would have been saved, although in fairness and historical accuracy it must be added that Lincoln might then not have resorted to drafting the Emancipation Proclamation. His was not the strongest voice against slavery, but that's another story, Stephen Spielberg notwithstanding.

REAR VIEW MIRROR

Today as I browsed the shelves in my favorite bookstore I came upon an anthology of early to mid century (the last one ) articles from The New Republic. I was drawn to those which reported on the Dayton, i.e. Scopes, trial, aka Trial of the Century, which convened long before the O.J. cartoon show of recent sad memory. Dayton attracted the ears of all serious journalists and legal scholars. In the dock was Mr. Scopes, a high school teacher who had tried to bring Darwin to the locals, the latter of whom took umbrage and sought to rid themselves of Satan's messenger. Scopes' plight caught the attention of Clarence Darrow, who went south with his copy of the Constitution. The prosecution called upon William Jennings Bryan, a fire breathing populist and progressive who in his old age had become a purveyor of ignorant evangelism not far removed from snake handling and talking in tongues, two favorite pastimes of the local true believers. Bryan preached biblical literalism, a doctrine at odds with our Founders' message. Darrow easily savaged this drivel, but was ultimately stymied by Deep South sympathies. The New Republic published many essays and editorials about the trial, its participants, and its implications. These articles are a who's who of liberal thought at mid century, and reading them now, one sees a reflection of one's own time and its passions. Whole paragraphs could be pasted into much of today's reporting, with no loss of continuity, but the real lesson, I think, is "time will tell." Mountains of ignorance cannot be bulldozed by millions of pages. One word suffices now as it did then: vote.

THEY MITE NOT BE GIANTS

The country's foundation is under attack by these insects, guided, we believe, by the Russian , Putin, Mr. Trump's probable mentor and possible successor. Trump's unending distractions deflect inspection by exterminators. Facebook's newsfeed is filled with such distractions, all purporting to be satire or critiques, but they're just deflecting serious investigations of this new administration's treasons.

KAFKA'S GHOST

Jeff Sessions awakens to find himself once more under the bed with no memory of how  he got there.

The fault, dear Brutus

Dick's good friend, Mr.Sube Rozza, posts infrequently on his own Facebook page. Rozza lives in a remote corner of the far west on an estate called Casa Rozza.  He chairs a think tank of like minded fellows of both genders who call themselves  The Ponder Rozza. Here we have re posted his latest remarks for the benefit of those not privy to his page. His thoughts are not unlike those of this editorial board.

News of the election has just reached us here at Casa Rozza , and we are neither surprised nor dismayed by the outcome. Whereas the new president is clearly a self-regarding fool, his opponent, Mrs. Clinton, is a monster unworthy of elevation to office. Her voters were correct in preferring her to the vile Mr. Trump, but far better people than she were passed over. It seems to us that the American electorate is swayed by trivia and bored by significance. Mr. Obama was neither guiltless nor guileless, but his abilities swamped the critics until institutional racism overcame our better instincts and sent to congress those who represented our worst instincts. Some see this as a needed historical balancing, as if too much of a good thing were a bad thing. A moment's reflection negates this. We have had great leaders and bad, and the bad have all brought us to  near ruin, fiscally or martially. We now face the real possibility of the former two in combination, thanks to those of us who fell for Mr. Trump's septic sway. Do not look to the stars for salvation. Look to your shoes, and take steps to organize, proselytize, and sanitize.
    In response to  Facebook friend's  comment regarding any benefits one might derive from star gazing, I went on to say that I have the good fortune to live beneath a sky unpolluted by light caused by mankind. To call it "dark" is misleading, for it blazes with the light of trillions of stars. Most Americans are not given the pleasure and privilege of such majesty, and of those few who have it, even fewer are drawn to conclude that life abounds across infinite universes. Many still believe in a god so small that he created humans in his image and gave them a home alone, as it were. We at Ponder Rozza give much thought to such philosophic / scientific issues as these, but always find that new evidence opens new doors into insoluble problems of time and space. The "Big Bang" hypothesis may be of abstract interest to some, but it explains nothing of the infinity of time, for what in fact preceded it but multitudes of universes that collapsed and exploded? Brilliant minds have broken against such rocks of absurdity, and we are no closer to an understanding of who, what, when, where...and as to "Why?" There can be no Why, and that is what drives us to madness as we murder one another to establish doctrinal supremacy. And yet one continues to gaze upward, fingers crossed.

JUST FOR YOU

A maggot on the right wing's
rotting corpse
laid by flies that ate
from dog turds
in the park?

An orange peel dropped
as garbage trucks
chugged off
to drop their loads
in city dumps?

The world will hold its breath
while Donald Trump cavorts
beneath the hugest flag
that ever flew,
and don't forget,
he does it just for you.

DODO DADA DISS!

Late breaking news from The Dick Times: News That Bites! Meryl Streep lifts Golden Globe carpet and finds a rat's nest of PET hair! "Disabled" diss prompts twitter hiss from Trump, whose stump speech reached millions of shallow minds! Dick finds nada to like in Dada tweets, sez PET really eats! ("Bites" won't rhyme, darn it.)

ODE TO SORROW

O, what tweet from the dodo's beak will we behold upon the sun's rise?
A catalogue of ruses drawn from shifting sands, each grain containing nought but well aimed lies, deceptions and untruths which break in muddy foam upon the nation's shrinking shore.
Sleep soundly, dear Columbia, and dream true visions, should this grim beast create such havoc that you dream no more.

LOW INTEREST LOANS

Live from the armchair! It's The Dick Times: News that Bites !!Wars are good for business. Every sector of the economy spikes. Heavy industry requires new factory workers, and production is necessarily domestic. Technology leaps forward under government contracts, and new inventions , devised to make war, often find peaceful uses with a few tweaks. Young patriots leave parental basements to enlist,and unemployment falls. Medicine devises great new ways to serve the horribly wounded, and this technology can be offered to civilians, at a price. Political seats are stabile, continuity and experience being more important than usual. Financial markets enjoy happier days of solid and continuing prosperity as investors jump in for a slice of the pie. Construction, real estate, and agriculture all benefit. Flag burning loses its appeal, and Wikileaks is universally despised. A chief executive with corporate ties would profit immensely, as would all those close to him. Congress would be loathe to examine his activities or look for tax records, should that ever have occurred to any there to do so. The media, which put him in office through a lifetime of fawning, would buckle, bow, and click its heels, jawohling loudly lest it not be heard. Our CEO in waiting might now be warming his smallish hands over ashtrays of ashes, remnants of warnings and admonishments from the timid left. His Christmas will arrive on January 20. Dick sez: don't buy war bonds from Donald Trump. His record of repayment shows a lack of concern with lenders. After all, once he has the money there's no reason to give it back. That's for losers.

A Hoover legacy

The Dick Times: News That Bites! Eighty years of moral corruption has led the FBI to this dangerous crossroads. The Bureau now serves as the Republican Praetorian Guard, commissioned by Congress to hand the election to Donald Trump. No other rational explanation can be given for the Director's recent action. Was he promised the moon? In a Trump universe it's made of green cheese. Dick sez: filled with D-con.

Heave Ho!

LIVE FROM CHICAGO! IT'S THE DICK TIMES: NEWS THAT BITES!! From the city desk, news of Donald Trump's heartfelt teleprompter apology! Mr. Peanut carefully reads remarks written by aides afraid of losing jobs next Monday, one day after Clinton crushes sexist beast in debate! Trump drags freight train of bad taste while chasing oval office chair! "Not fair", he says of vast blanket of tv shots which will put approval in the aughts! Dick sez: I gots to hurl, man.

PUSSY RIOT!!

URGENT POLITICAL UPDATE! FROM THE DESK OF THE DICK TMES: NEWS THAT BITES!! Dateline Chicago 7 September! Trump chumps Pence! Freaks out Jesus lovers with knotty words that may tie up election for Clinton! Pussy riot on web points fingers at tiny groping hand and Mr. Peanut stays quiet! Dick sez: we don't buy it.

RIP Them a New One

RIP Them a New One

I’m lost  in space / Can’t find my place

The universe is hurtin

The prexy race / is in my face

It’s painful / that’s  for certain

Each day goes by / and though I try

To shut out all the blurtin

I just can’t wait / to see what fate

Awaits behind the curtain.

Will it be he / or maybe she

Who’s paid for their exertin?

And then are we / at last to see

A hole to shovel dirt in?

RIP Trump / Hillary

Trunk Wags Elephant

Some casual remarks of the Republican nominee for President in the election of 2016. On occasion, he has implied that his opponent could or should  fall to an assassination by a proponent of second amendment rights, a subject of our previous post, Dumber by the Lake.

"Just kidding, folks. Only joking, kidding, no really. It's sarcasm, only a joke. It's real, but a joke. Who would? I mean it. Who would take this seriously? Not serious, folks, seriously. Or politically correct. Not that. Not me. You know who I am. I don't hide. Whatever. And no one knows this better than myself, because that's what it's all about, but a good joke, anyhow. Whatever, isn't it?"

DUMBER BY THE LAKE!!

 Special to THE DICK TIMES: NEWS THAT BITES!! Dateline 12 August, Erie Pennsylvania: Psycho babbles to adoring rabble at latest right wing rally. Trump sez "I'm just kidding " to the shooters loading at his bidding! Dick sez: Many are called, and one is chosen.

T WINS ( TWINS )

Special from THE DICK TIMES: NEWS THAT BITES!! This just in!! New York City hospital records now disclose the tragedy of twins separated at birth by a careless nurse in the maternity ward!
In a press conference given today and covered by our indefatigable staff, Doctor Milton Goldblatt, head of pediatrics, announced that all efforts will be made to reunite the two fraternal twins, sons of a former real estate developer in Queens or one of those boroughs nobody cares about. Maybe it's The Bronx. But why don't they say The Queens? Dick sez: Who cares? Move on.

He vaults to the lead!

Didn't watch the Republican convention? Here's what you missed.